This is the story of a woman who triumphed very young on the catwalks of the world, then settled in the United States, got married, had two children –Sofía and Noah– and after a painful divorce and a personal crisis, at the age of 47 He decided to radically change his life and share it with a woman. It could be an interview of someone who decides to come out of the closet, but it is her own protagonist, Cecilia de Bucourt (49), who proposes telling her experience and avoiding common places and the veil of taboo.
AN ADULT GIRL
In 1985, Cecilia had already started her career as a model abroad. Heir to a famous mannequin, Tini de Bucourt, at 14 she won a contract to work for six months at the Ford agency in Japan. “Today I remember my beginnings and it seems crazy to me. I think of my 15-year-old daughter, that her life is school, her mother and her father, and I remember that at that age I already had the responsibilities of an adult. Also, there were no cell phones, internet, Whatsapp. She was alone and thousands and thousands of kilometers from my family”, recalls Cecilia.
-After Japan, you lived in Spain for a year, another five in Paris and by your early twenties you were already a consecrated model...
–Yes, and although having been has its positive parts, I can't stop thinking about how my life would have been if things had been different. Going to school, spending more time with my friends, the parties, the graduation trip, the first boyfriends… I didn't have any of that. I was very young and I already behaved like an adult.
–Do you regret it?
-No, I don't regret it. I love how I live and how I think and I think it's a result of that. I wouldn't be who I am today without that part of my life. I learned to be responsible from a very young age, the discipline that I have started then. I went to sleep at nine at night, I ate healthy, I drank water… I did everything I had to do to be well the next day and do my job. Although it seems incredible, he did not go out at night or go to parties. I had my first glass of wine at 29.
"You led an adult life. What was it like to pose sensually then?
–I remember not understanding what they asked me, not understanding what “being sexier” meant, nor how to interpret a role that I did not know. There was a dissociation between what others saw of me and the image that I had internalized of myself. I only started to have a connection with my body when I started dancing. That's why I always say that dancing changed my life.
DANCE OR A PATH TOWARDS DESIRE
The talk takes place early in the morning. Cecilia attends the video call of Hello! Argentina in a cafe near her house. She has just made breakfast for her children, ages 15 and 13, who are on vacation, and she has an hour before she rushes to her pole-dance class. Installed for more than twenty years in Manhattan, where she trained as a photographer and fashion designer, she lives a block away from the father of her children, from whom she separated in 2011. It is hot, but the high temperatures that hit the city cosmopolitan of the world do not discourage her. We have little time to review her life and Cecilia is very excited about the conversation. She wants to tell her personal process, “because it is my story and it is my truth”, she will say. “And also to remove the weight of the taboo from homosexuality.”
-You said that dancing changed your life, why?
Divorcing the father of my children was very painful. She was alone, away from my family and my children were young. I had wanted to do something for myself for a long time and someone had told me that pole dancing was not only fun, but also great physical training and the community of dancers was open and empathetic. Already in the first class, I said: “This is my thing”.
– Why did you think it was your thing?
"It was an instinctive reaction. Throughout the successive classes, I felt a connection, a love and an admiration for my body that I had not had before. I understood that through dance one can express what one cannot say with words. Now, in fact, I am doing a photography project called The healing power of dance. They are stories of women who healed their traumas through dance.
– Was your divorce traumatic?
-It was very hard. Although today I have a great relationship with the father of my children, it was difficult for me to break away from a common life project. Dancing rescued me from that pain and allowed me to reset. It was a before and after: as I danced, I felt more and more alive, more aware of my body and my feelings. Without looking for it, I was ordering all the aspects of my reality. I redefined who I was, what I wanted, I stopped working like crazy, I got closer to my mother, my brother and my father, I deepened the bond with my friends even more and I began to enjoy being alone and free.
-Welcome the crisis, then.
–You don't understand the happiness I began to feel thanks to the dance. It was a period of great change. A big-bang, seen from now. They told me: "I have a friend who is single and wants to meet you" and I, zero interest. I was on a trip with myself.
– How long was that trip?
-It was seven years that I dedicated myself. During that time, I completed my tango teacher training and started giving classes to beginners, I took a jewelry course and I came out of fashion vertigo. I made and sold four clothing collections a year to Bloomingdale's, Saks, and Barney's. I got tired of deliveries and running for customers. I opened my website and changed my business plan. Now I design the clothes that I like when I want and I have added a collection of jewelry. I have my group of clients and I deal with word of mouth.
–In what context did you meet Maryam, your partner?
–When I began to want to have a love relationship again, I realized that I was no longer attracted to the idea of having a relationship with a man. I went out with a boy and nothing happened to me. There was something about the man-woman encounter that was no longer there. And I chose to listen to that inner voice, which told me that maybe I should go out with a woman.
–Between you listened to your inner voice until you acted, how long was it?
"It took me a while to admit it. It wasn't that I said, "Well, go for it." I had to go through a process, it was two years of doubts, of "Oh, it doesn't matter to me", of "yes, but...". Until one day I got up the courage and wrote to Maryam [Laughs].
–Did they know each other?
Yes, we have known each other for eleven years. At the time I wasn't attracted to her, but I remember thinking she was cool, cute. We had been in contact through social networks and I sent him a message on Instagram. At first, we were friends and went out to eat.
– Were they friends who were flirting?
“There was a flirtation, but it was still a friendship. That's what I like about being with her: it's a different dynamic than being with a man. There is greater camaraderie, or at least that's how I feel.
And what is it like dating a woman?
–I cannot speak in general lines because each one of my relationships was different, also the ones I had with men. With Maryam we have fun, we take great care of each other and there is an understanding on a spiritual level. It's like we really speak the same language.
"She helped you take ownership of your new desire?"
–When we started dating, I was already convinced. I had already told my friends that I wanted to go out with a woman. What's more, at the first dinner I said to myself: “I want to be Maryam's girlfriend”. And since we've been together I've never been in conflict with being with a woman.
Who did you first tell about your family?
-To my children. I told them that we had to sit down and talk, but because she was dating someone, not because that someone was a woman.
– How did they take it?
-Very good. They are from another generation, they were born in the United States, they don't care if my partner is a man or a woman. My daughter adores Maryam and so does my son, although he is at an age where he speaks little.
–And Tini, your mother, how did she take the news?
"At first she was surprised. She didn't imagine it or crazy, but afterwards she had a very natural attitude. Neither did she expect, nor did she want, that she would tell me: "How spectacular!". She took it as I would have wanted. After I told her about it, I talked to my brother and half-sister and asked them and my mom to tell her friends.
-Why?
–Because she didn't want it to be a secret, a taboo. That's why, when you offered me to do this report, I accepted. Perhaps, there are people who feel identified with a story like mine, who were perhaps raised in a very traditional society, like me. It can inspire them to break with the mandates and be happy in any way.
-Are you gay?
-If I had to define it, I would tell you that I consider myself gay, in the sense that I have no interest in being with a man again, but in the future I don't know.
–How do you feel since you've been with Maryam?
–I never felt more loved, more desired and more fulfilled since I've been with her. I was always very feminine in my way of being and until now, no one had appreciated that part of me like Maryam.
MATURITY COMES
On September 20, Cecilia will turn 50 and plans to celebrate her birthday in Paris, with her love. She says that for a few months now she assumes her new age. "Youth is great, but age and the passage of time also have their charm," she says, without prejudice.
– What did age allow you?
-In my case, the years gave me security and allowed me to stop worrying about things that were not worth it. It is not so much the fact of turning 50, but maturity, which can come at any time in life. Over time, I learned to prioritize what is really important and that gave me a lot of peace. I love how one becomes more and more selective and begins to give space only to what is good for him.
–What would you like for your next years of life?
I would like to continue being as happy and as free as I feel today. I am in a very beautiful stage of my life. My great wish is to have the blessing of continuing as fully as I am now.
