As time goes by, it seems that coming out of the closet becomes easier and easier. Once you take that first step and decide to release it to the world, it seems like you are gaining practice and in the end you no longer feel ashamed to do it Come on, it's like eating. I mean, in the years that I've been writing on this blog, I've been perfecting my technique. What if I come out of the closet at work, what if I come out of the closet with the doctor, to do so I've even dared to give you some advice so that you can better prepare to come out with your family.
But the fact is that the other day I was thinking that perhaps what you learn the most is from your mistakes. There are many things that I would have liked not to do when coming out of the closet. And well, unfortunately (or not because all of this has led me to where I am now) I can no longer change them, but I can share them with you to that it is not their turn to take the disappointment. And that is why I decided to write this article with 5 mistakes that you should not make when coming out of the closet. But since I had started writing it, I thought it would be interesting to enrich it with the experience of other lesbians, so I decided to comment on it on my Twitter accounts. and Facebook in case someone wanted to contribute to the post and I got a nice surprise because a lot of you answered me and a very interesting conversation started and it taught me many new things. So without further ado, let's get down to business.
1.Not being sure of yourself and who you are.
When it comes to coming out to your family, chances are they'll be pretty confused for a while. It may be that everything works out well, they are very open and absolutely nothing happens. But for most parents it is difficult to reconcile the image they have had of you for so long with the one you really are. It makes them feel insecure and hurt by the to think that if they didn't know that about you they could have missed many more things, they see you as a bit of a stranger and that scares them. That's why it is very important that when you talk to them you are sure of yourself and who you are.
When I came out of the closet (well they took me out more like hehe) I was very scared. I was just discovering to myself that I was gay. In fact, I still had a hard time processing it, I thought things like "no, I'm not a lesbian, I just like her and nothing else", although deep down I had always known that I would never I had developed deep feelings for boys (it's not that I didn't see a handsome boy, but that I didn't fall for him) I wasn't ready to face it.
The fact is that when my mother found out it was very difficult for me. She started asking me all kinds of questions very angry and crying and it took me completely by surprise so I was not prepared and did not know what to do. What was happening around me scared me a lot. I was afraid to face my life as I was beginning to understand that I needed to do it to be happy. I was also afraid to see my mother's reaction and understand that there was a possibility that this was the face I was going to see from now on and that hurt me a lot.
I wish I could teleport back to that moment and have been brave, but the truth is that I wasn't, quite the opposite, I was totally cowardly and took the easy way out. I needed a point of return and I told him that I actually liked them also the boys, that maybe she was bisexual. And it's true that at that moment she relaxed a bit, but it's also true that with that lie I delayed her whole process and I didn't make it easier, rather I confused her more.
As the years have passed, I understand that it is better to be safe. Say it to them with conviction, and as Yesenia told me, sometimes saying it while crying or being afraid makes them feel that they can change your decision or that you may be confused.
So if you have the option of deciding what is the best moment and you are not very sure how your family may react, try not to do it in the midst of your confusion, know yourself first and then introduce yourself to others.
2. Being Naive
I've always thought it's great to be a positive person. When it comes to facing both the hard and happy moments, everything is sweetened better if you attack them with a smile. But it is one thing to think that things can turn out well and another is not to be prepared for action. And when it comes to Face your coming out of the closet it is necessary that you are not naive.
That doesn't mean you should think you'll be kicked out of the house, burned, and removed from the family tree. mature to face it.
And you don't have to be naive for both the positive and the negative. Because it can happen to you like Chubizz that you trust someone who can't or doesn't want to keep your secret and make a whole mess. Or like Kaiales who thought that everything was going to be blowing and making bottles with their parents. Of course, on the other hand, it's not normal to go crazy either, try to take it easy, lest it happen to you like Lau__im and in the end it won't be a big deal either.
No one knows the person you're coming out to better than you. You can't have the same expectations if you live with a fairly liberal family that you should have if your parents are extremely religious. Everyone can surprise you, both for better or for worse, so you have to be prepared for the circumstances that touch you. Be positive, but learn, prepare and attack.
3. Being too young to tell it
This point is a bit difficult to address, because when are you too young? There are people who are very mature at 15 and others who are still the same at 30 :P.But the truth is that the younger you are, the easier it is for your parents to push you aside thinking that you are experimenting or that you are confused.
Perhaps the most interesting thing at this point is to understand what your relationship is with your parents and if you are prepared to face something like that. And if the answer is positive, then (going back to points one and two) let you know , prepare and fill yourself with security to tell them, because the more prepared you are to tell them, the more they will understand that it is not something you are talking about lightly. For example, try to think in advance of all those questions that may come out to you and the answers you are going to give them. You cannot guess everything that is going to happen, but if they see that you have prepared for that moment, they will understand that it is something that you have been thinking about and not a thing of the moment.
Isabel and Snow have had to deal with their parents because having told them so soon they still think that they might change their minds in the future. And the problem really is more difficult when you have to deal with the pressure like a ubiquitous cloud
4.Coming out as a reaction to an event
Taking the big step will always be difficult, it takes courage to do it and sometimes we hold it back for so long looking for the "perfect moment" that we end up doing it at the worst of times.
For example, Yovanu would have liked to do it at a better time. Because she told me that when it happened she was angry because her parents had touched her morals and the way she said it did not help the family acceptance process at all And the same thing happened to Bate, he ended up yelling at his father at a bad time. The same thing happened to Jolen
Well, by now you'll realize that it's some kind of pattern. So if you're angry, don't yell at your parents that you're a lesbian, because they'll see it as your way of punishing them and it'll cost you triple of time and effort to make them understand that it is not like that. Breathe 10 times and think that there will always be a better moment than that to make your big exit.
Now that if you've already come out that way and are currently suffering the consequences, you'll be happy to know that there is no evil that lasts a hundred years and that all the lesbians who shared this experience are now very happy to have come out, although they would rather have done it differently.
5.Not coming out of the closet
I have left the worst mistake of all that you can make for last. And it is that no matter how difficult it is, the problems it brings you, the tears that cause, the truth is that nothing is worse than living a life of lies and shame that makes you unhappy.
Maybe it sounds like I'm saying this because I've been through it and it's "easy" for me. But the truth is that there are also people like Livy and Annuki_00 who are dealing with it and understand that it's not the best option.
This does not mean that you have to go out, doing so is not an obligation and the right time and moment can only be decided by you. It's just that once the bad news has passed, it is incredibly satisfying to live without fear.Watch Looking your partner in the eye in a room full of people and holding their hand without caring if "so and so" might feel offended is the most beautiful experience in the world. So I recommend it to you.
These are just 5 things that it would be good to avoid if you want to make it easier for you to come out of the closet. If what you are looking for is positive advice, I recommend that you read this post on how to prepare yourself for the moment. But the best thing for me about writing things like this is that there is always someone on the other side of the screen who can enrich them. So if you already came out of the closet, it would be great if you tell us what your worst mistake has been so we can Avoid it and if you haven't gone out and have any questions, this is a great place to ask, surely there will be another lesbian who can help you.
Images by: Giarose, Spaceodissey and Inrime_nasrul
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